I don't remember the exact number of times I have fallen or being in love but I can give a detailed account of each time my heart was broken or to say it more correctly, crushed. 
How I always end up on their begging list I don't know. The more I try the more it gets complicated. How do I explain that a girl I thought we had something between us does not see us that way? After a lot, she prefers I stay in the friend zone and remain there hopelessly or I leave if I am not comfortable with that. I always think I deserve better yes, the other guys have nothing on me.

When I started out all I ever wanted is to find love and stay with it an and never let it go. Unfortunate that has not been the case as disappointment is the word I am so much in love with and it comes to me even when I don't want it to. I am just that good guy that gets easily attached to female faces, oh maybe that is not what happens actually, what choice does an empty and longing heart like mine have? 
You meet a beautiful person, and you are like wow! There is a connection even from the first conversation. I think this one is meant for me she is just perfect, I want to see that smile every day. I would like her to know that I want to share my life with her and let her know I want to be a part of her life too if only she will allow me. I put up the best behaviour as a perfect gentleman that I am, I treat her with care, treat her in the best way possible sometimes with what  I have. I call and text frequently, before leaving the bed in the morning and before going to bed at night, my life now is so connected to hers and I want things to get to the next level because my happiness depends on it.
Then one Sunday evening I call her ( always on Sundays don't ask me why), didn't want us to meet since I couldn't look her in the eyes and say it..oh poor me..and I tell her how I feel, how I wanted us to be together. 
There and then, a beautiful flower vase falls from the table and shatters upon reaching the ground. Of course, the answer is always negative not that I don't deserve better but there is a bad guy that knows how to press the right buttons that I can't. Honestly, I do not know where the buttons are in her mind. I just prefer being honest. Asking myself what do they really want? When am I going to find someone that prefers the honesty and love I bring to the table? I don't know I just keep trying. I AM OUT.

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